fickle gays!

so things have been the same i suppose. maybe a little busier. hence my lack of blogs.
i spent the other night speaking to this guy on the phone that i met online until 4:30 in the morning. knowing i had to work the next morning, i should have made a smarter decision, but i kind of wanted to be a rebel. you know i am only young once, and sometimes i think it's a good idea to do things out of the ordinary so that you can actually have experience into why you don't normally do them. i learned that i will probably never do that again because i now really know what the ramifications are. anyways... he was really attractive, 26 or so and his name was andre. we spoke for almost 5 hours, and it was one of the most draining conversations that i have ever had! he swore he knew everything, and figured if he argued with me long enough about something that i would conform to his idea. and granted he had very valid points, i would not agree with him. and he hated this lol. i hate know it alls, although i do tend to have my moments as well. but the fact that i wouldn't agree with him just made him argue longer, so after a while i was just like "you have a very valid point, and i may not agree with you completely but i do respect your perspective". you dont know how hard it is for me to admit someone is right when they aren't, and its even harder when they are arrogant and me giving in just boosts their ego. he was very reminiscent of my stepfather, a Taurus (that says enough there), egotistical, confident, giving the impression that he cares just so that people think higher of him so he feels good about himself. and i am sure you are asking by now why the hell i stayed on the phone with him for so long... well i did find his confidence, and intelligence, and just the fact that he had well though out opinions on things, to be attractive. and he was very attractive physically as well. and because he was older, i thought maybe i could learn something from him. yeah... after debating with him about my thoughts "good music" vs. "bad music", and him telling me that i can't say whetever music was good or bad because i am an artist and apparently i am not supposed to have an opinion on the fact that i think that 50 cents music doesn't strike me as being music like mozart, or india arie, i was finished. he debated about how mary j. blige was better than mariah carey because she was a more intense performer (never mind the fact that instead of singing she just opens her mouth and screams whatever note suits the extreme amount of pain she is obviously in to sound that way). and that india arie was just boring so that made her inferior to 50 cent because he has exciting music (never mind the fact that my 10 year old sister can rap 50 cent songs almost as well as he can). the fact that he can write a good hook makes him an equivalent MUSICIAN as mozart! hell to the nah! he has knack for simple catchy poetry. i dont equate that to amazing musicianship. but whatever that is my opinion and i am fine with that. he later went into how effeminate qualities weren't natural and i am not even going to go into that. he was determined to argue with me until i agreed with him! and if you know me, you know that wasn't going to happen. he called me an elitist, and said that i was bourgeois:) what ever... maybe i am, i really dont care. my thing is i have strong opinions on things and i am fine with everybody not thinking the same way as i do. anyways... he had some major issues, yet i was slightly entertained by his antics. and by the end he stopped arguing with me and the questions became a little more sexual, which i must say was intriguing. then he started raving about his requirements... hairless...(and if you know me, you know that is far from what i am) and young, and whatever else. he became so fickle! and superficial! ugh... disgusted me! and although i told him i was not meeting all of his "prerequisites" he still liked me a lot. yeah... and i told him good night and realized that more than any other feeling i had towards him i was mostly afraid to disappoint him. i was very insecure and kind of shaken up after all of this. and if this was just the start of things... then this was definitely a no.
i came to the conclusion that meeting people online in general was not good for me. given my insecurities and being in the process if learning to truly love myself for everything that i am, meeting people who have "prerequisites" before meeting up makes me really insecure. its just not for me. i cant be around such superficiality... and i would like to say to all my gay people... learn to love each other for who we are. only excepting those extremely masculine, attractive men, with six packs as being attractive is unreasonable. we are gay. it's ok for men to be effeminate and they can be attractive as well. and we just need to start focusing more on personality because thats how we can begin to have real relationships, not based on lust, or vanity. we can demolish our insecurities if we all just felt more accepted. and stop blaming straight people for all of our problems and take responsibility into our own hands. stop expecting straight people to treat us all the same when we can't even do it ourselves. lead by example!

sorry there is a little more to this story but i dont have the time to keep ranting lol.