Bell Hollow

The hollowness in the center of me makes a bell like sound, resounding through my entire being. Reverberating in my head. A solid, strong, solitary, "Gong". Ringing through my ears and making my soul shutter with fear.
Even when surrounded by 8 million strangers, even when surrounded by an entire group of people who love me unconditionally... loneliness still manages to creep in and hollow me out. It steals my smile and dulls the sparkle in my eyes.
As much as I loathe this feeling, I am almost equally as terrified to lose myself too much in the moment. I feel chasing moments will lead me to losing everything I have worked hard to get. It would ruin my direction and I will spend my life looking for moments instead of allowing them to come to me. Spending life searching for moments would make the moments worth less than if I didn't expect them, and they just came to me out of the blue...
Who knows...
My mind says think first, and act accordingly. Don't just willingly fall into any relationship with blinded eyes in order to pacify your hearts thirst. My heart says do what you feel, and lose yourself in the one thing that inspires you the most. The one thing that teaches the most meaningful lessons. The one thing that makes everything else in the world seem minuscule. Love. My heart reaches for whomever reaches back... recklessly falling for many, and any... even those I cannot have, further instigating its own torment. Like a starving animal caught in a trap, it would chew away the in between matter attaching it to me if it could. Luckily no mouth has it been granted or else it would surely be the demise of us both. The constant struggle between heart and mind leave me weary and exhausted.
She's willing to risk all for a "hit" of this Ecstasy, while he would rather wait for a constructive alignment. But he is losing his ground... and in this limbo my soul tears. Hanging by shredding threads, standing upon a precipice... stand or allow myself to fall?
The waves below whisper my name and wind tempts me as it wraps around my body pulling me closer to the edge. The danger of the fall exhilarates and frightens me simultaneously. Sometimes one must step outside of oneself to get the full perspective, do what they wouldn't usually do to understand why they didn't do it to begin with. Should I fall?