the downside to having too much hope in people

(This was written a little while ago and I never published it in fear that people may take it too personally. I have a tendency to over exaggerate sometimes for literary effects... so this is not directed to anyone personally, I have actually felt like this on numerous occasions, I just wrote it down this time.)

Have you ever felt a pain in the center of your chest? It's weird to me. It's not my heart that hurts but the center of my soul. Right next to my heart. It's numbing to the rest of my body. I can't feel my feet and my head feels light, besides the thoughts racing at 1,000 miles per hour. That's how I felt this morning on the train.

Amazingly I got to work without ever really being aware of where I was. My feet somehow took over and did what they know to do. My Fingers rummaged through my ipod trying to find music that would alleviate the pain. Unfortunately the right music was no where to be found on my ipod.

So my mind tuned out the music and ran in circles, like a dog chasing its tail. Spinning and spinning, trying harder and harder to catch the unattainable. An answer.

Sometimes I put too much hope into people. Expecting them to constantly try their hardest to be the best they can be. I don't mind if people fall as long as they fall in ignorance... as long as they don't know or haven't realized yet that what they are doing is wrong, or at least understand the magnitude of their actions. Once something is realized I don't understand why one would do it again, or at least make the effort to start resolving the problem. I don't understand peoples desire to remain stagnant in their misery. How a person can know that they aren't truly happy in the situation they are in and yet allow the comfort of what they are used to dig them deeper into their holes.

I ask myself constantly if I am being hypocritical... and I hope not, but I do know that this is a habit that I do not like in myself nor other people. So if I do see it in myself again I will quickly break out of it. I will not and can not allow myself to have excuses for failure. Seeing as though failure is relative as with everything else, people use relativity as an excuse for failure as well. Maybe I am too stuck in my ways, or just selfish in the fact that I just want everybody to succeed. But is that such a flaw... I meet the most amazing people with the potential of gods, and somehow they always manage to be their own self destruction. They ask me to speak the truth to them, and I would do nothing less out of respect for them. Then they get angry and vengeful towards me for loving them too much... where do I draw the line?

I am sure this is only a phase, and I will get over it soon. actually writing it down makes me feel much better...