the downside to having too much hope in people

(This was written a little while ago and I never published it in fear that people may take it too personally. I have a tendency to over exaggerate sometimes for literary effects... so this is not directed to anyone personally, I have actually felt like this on numerous occasions, I just wrote it down this time.)

Have you ever felt a pain in the center of your chest? It's weird to me. It's not my heart that hurts but the center of my soul. Right next to my heart. It's numbing to the rest of my body. I can't feel my feet and my head feels light, besides the thoughts racing at 1,000 miles per hour. That's how I felt this morning on the train.

Amazingly I got to work without ever really being aware of where I was. My feet somehow took over and did what they know to do. My Fingers rummaged through my ipod trying to find music that would alleviate the pain. Unfortunately the right music was no where to be found on my ipod.

So my mind tuned out the music and ran in circles, like a dog chasing its tail. Spinning and spinning, trying harder and harder to catch the unattainable. An answer.

Sometimes I put too much hope into people. Expecting them to constantly try their hardest to be the best they can be. I don't mind if people fall as long as they fall in ignorance... as long as they don't know or haven't realized yet that what they are doing is wrong, or at least understand the magnitude of their actions. Once something is realized I don't understand why one would do it again, or at least make the effort to start resolving the problem. I don't understand peoples desire to remain stagnant in their misery. How a person can know that they aren't truly happy in the situation they are in and yet allow the comfort of what they are used to dig them deeper into their holes.

I ask myself constantly if I am being hypocritical... and I hope not, but I do know that this is a habit that I do not like in myself nor other people. So if I do see it in myself again I will quickly break out of it. I will not and can not allow myself to have excuses for failure. Seeing as though failure is relative as with everything else, people use relativity as an excuse for failure as well. Maybe I am too stuck in my ways, or just selfish in the fact that I just want everybody to succeed. But is that such a flaw... I meet the most amazing people with the potential of gods, and somehow they always manage to be their own self destruction. They ask me to speak the truth to them, and I would do nothing less out of respect for them. Then they get angry and vengeful towards me for loving them too much... where do I draw the line?

I am sure this is only a phase, and I will get over it soon. actually writing it down makes me feel much better...

Philosophy... hmm... lol

You know... it's easy to be consumed in the world. We wake up everyday and follow the same routines. Becoming slaves to society. Then we complain about how much we dislike our lives, and wish we could do something to change it. But how many of us really change the things we say we want to, and if we really wanted to change why not just do it. It is as simple as that. Honestly, we decide to go through the things that we go through in order to understand ourselves better. Yet we believe that life is playing some cruel joke on us, or the "devil" is tormenting our helpless, innocent, souls. That we are victims to a greater power, instead of taking responsibility for our own thoughts and actions and controlling our own destiny. If God really wanted us to be perfect, (with all of his infinite power) why wouldn't he just make us perfect. I believe the truth is that for God to understand perfection, "nirvana", the highest truth, love, infinity, limitlessness, he must understand reality, for everything exists in balance. He created reality, where things are tangible, and there are limits such as time, space, matter, and capacity. We are created in a world where we believe in what we see and what is tangible. There really aren't constraints, just the belief of constraints. God lives and experiences through us what it feels like when one set limits for oneself. No one can experience limitlessness without understanding the opposite of having limits. So God is everything... me, you, the air, the sun, the desk, the trashcan, the homeless person on the street, george bush. In order to know all you must experience all, and that is God.
I believe that there is no excuse to be limited besides ones own decision to have limits. Granted, I do believe that there is an enormous amount of ignorance and some people are so blinded by day to day life to think individually (as they are meant to). Manmade religion, and laws, and other peoples perception of what's right and wrong are what we allow to dictate our morality, forgetting to create personal morality. And it's probably neccessary for religion and laws to exist to keep some kind of order in this chaotic world, and just another way to experiece limits of ones ability to think for oneself. I believe we follow these religions and laws as truth because it's easier. It's much easier to follow than think individually. It's much easier to not plague our minds with such deep thoughts that do nothing but lead back to the same outcome... everything is relative. We control our destiny, our life, our salvation, our minds, what is right and what is wrong is really an individual thought. There is not truth to what is right or wrong... it's all relative to ones destiny. What is right for one person may not be right for someone else becuase we all have different purposes and paths to follow. It takes good to understand bad. It takes pain to understand and appreciate bliss. It takes poverty to appreiciate wealth. For instance... somone who has always been absurdly rich does not understand the true meaning of their wealth until it has been taken from them, for how could one experiencing a constant state understand what they have if they have never not had it. To them it is just a constant part of life. If someone is rich (according to society's standards of wealth) their entire life they will never trully undertand how wealthy they are because their concept of struggling could be only having a million dollars instead of 50 million dollars. Sorry for the long explanation, just trying to get my point across.
Anyways... my point is we choose the lives that we live. No one is a victim. We can all choose to be "happy". Those who live their lives feeling sorry for themselves choose to be sad, unaccomplished, and content in their sorrow. To some, living a destitute life is their destiny, and their soul chooses to experience life this way maybe to appreciate in their next life what true bliss is. Which leads me to believe that one cannot experience all of what they should experience in one life... so reincarnation must exist, but that is another tangent i refuse to embark upon right now lol .... ps- I could have gone on forever but I wanted to keep it reasonable lol.